HOLY SH*T! It’s the Healthiest Protein Cereal in the World!


Before you get upset about the title of this post, email to ask me where my sense of decency has gone, spit out your coffee, and/or start angrily googling “how to add parental controls to blogs,” let me explain. This recipe was inspired by Holy Crap! – a Canadian cereal that is made up of hemp hearts, chia seeds, buckwheat and dried fruit. It markets itself as being “the world’s most amazing breakfast cereal[s]” and, though I’ve never tried it, I think it’s great. I was taken in by its ingredients! After all, it’s hard to argue against hemp hearts, chias, and buckwheat – all being wonderseeds rich in protein, fiber, aminos, and omega 3s. But two things made me go hm-hm-hm: the fact that Holy Crap! could be higher in protein (per 28 grams, it has 6 grams of protein, 6 of fat, and 12 of carbs) and, also, the fact that because I’m in England I can’t get it. So I set out to create my own version of the cereal, adding some kaPOW and tweaking a few of its ingredients to create a superior – and much cheaper – cereal that I could munch on the daily.  So, are you ready for it? Because the end product is phenomenal; kind of porridgy in texture and mmm!!!!!!


1/2 cup hulled hemp seeds
1/4 cup goji berries
1/4 cup chia seeds
1/4 cup buckwheat flakes
1/4 cup  vanilla pea protein powder (or another veggie powder or casein protein pow)
1 tablespoon cinnamon
2 tablespoons unsweetened coconut flakes


1. Get out a  tupperware and throw all the above ingredients into it, giving it a nice shake. You can listen to this song while you shake it (sumba y calor, uh! ohi, ohi!!!)

2. That’s pretty much it. When you’re ready to have your cereal you then just scoop out some into a bowl, add milk (I used hemp milk), and let it sit for about 15 minutes so that the chias absorb the milk and gain that nice glutinous and almost-porridgy volume.

Macros per bowl (of 40 grams so 17% of the entire mix above which is 228 grams):

12.9g protein
15.8g carbs (out of which 6g is fiber!)
10.7g fat (2.6g saturated)

I cannot be happier with the final product. It’s awesome! I’d actually been looking for a ‘cereal’ like this for ages because I love oatmeal-type stuff but was looking for a gluten-free variety beyond just gluten-free oatmeal.

And the nutritional profile of this, holy shit!

Let’s begin with the chias. Chia seeds are high in fiber (they’re 27% fiber), and contain more omega 3 fatty acids and alpha-linolenic acid (ALA) than flaxseeds. Relative to their size, they’re also high in protein. They’re high in antioxidants and rich in calcium, phosphorous, iron, niacin, zinc, and copper. The gel they end up forming has also been argued to slow down the process by which digestive enzymes convert carbs to sugars, booom!

Chias have actually been getting a lot of good rep lately and they’re featuring stronger and stronger in the aisles of health food shops worldwide. The only surprising thing here is that it took until now for them to start getting proper recognition ;-)

OK. So what about hemp hearts or hulled hemp seeds – the second wonderfood in this cereal?  – Well, fwaaaa! They’re a masterfood in so many levels. Also high in fiber, Omega 3s, and ALAs. They’re also pretty in high protein and INSANELY delicious – kind of nutty but mellow and

Much like chia seeds, hemp hearts have been linked to improving digestion and cardiovascular health, controlling blood sugar and fighting the war against high cholesterol (all things aiding fat-loss). They’re also delicious! Almost pine-nutty and nom nom nom, extremely good sprinkled on pretty much anything!

Finally, buckwheat – another one of the world’s healthiest foods :-) Now, buckwheat isn’t derived from wheat, it just suffered from a bad name like a lot of people out there do (cue in The Worst Names in Human History).

Buckwheat is actually a fruit seed! It’s related to rhubarb, sorrel, and knotweed (here’s a pic of what it looks like as a flower and here’s a pic of what the seeds, from where the buckwheat is extracted, look like.) Buckwheat is totally gluten-free and really high in magnesium and fiber. It also boasts all eight essential amino acids! Much like chias and hemp seeds, has been linked to all sorts of benefits (check out the studies linked by WHFoods).

Lastly but by no means leasly we have goji berries. I love goji berries and cook with them a LOT on this blog. Why? Because they taste delighftul (check out my goji protein pancakes) and they’re also packed full of nutrition! Here’s a good article on gojis from bb.com, check it.

Oh, and I almost forgot: coconut and cinnamon.

Where to begin with cinnamon and coconut! The stuff is just surreal – flavor and nutrition-wise, I could write an entire essay on their amazingness! But I won’t. Instead I’ll turn you here and here because I’m running out of space.

‘What about the protein powder, can you substitute the vanilla pea protein powder that you use for, let’s say, whey?’ The answer to this is yes and no: yes, you can substitute the  pea protein powder but no, I wouldn’t recommend substituting it with whey – just because the texture won’t be as thick. Instead, I’d recommend that you  use either casein, rice protein powder, hemp protein powder, or another veggie blend (like Sunwarrior’s Warrior Blend).

Final point is to add stevia if you like your cereals sweeter (or honey along with your milk).

PS 1: There are lots of variations you can use when you’re making your own version of HOLY SHIT! You can, for example, add chopped nuts. You can also add (chopped) dried fruits like apples, apricots, or dates. Just bear in mind the carbs will increase if you do.

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