Whoa… Protein Bars!

Goji Berry and Dark Chocolate Protein Bars

One of the beauties of cooking is that you can make your dreams come true, no matter how outlandish and ‘unique’ they may be. Say your tastebuds have a thing for marshmallow and caramel? Well, you can make marshmallow and caramel protein bars. Say you like the combination of chocolate and bacon? Go for it, make some bars. No one will judge you. You want to make really Low-Carb Peanut Butter & Jelly Protein Bars at home? Knock yourself out. The world of bars is there for the taking! And any combination you dream of – any combination at all, you can bring to life. There’s so much power in that. So much freedom. So much… potential – for madness.

Take for example these bars.

They’re a personal favorite and there’s no way in Hedes I could find bars like this elsewhere. No way Iosef. Now, these bars are direct cousins of the aptly named ‘WHAT A BAR! WHAT A BAR!’ protein bars in my first Protein Bar Recipes Ebook. They’re related but they’re not the same, no, no.

WHAT A BAR! WHAT A BAR! are spicier and intended for, shall we say, a more mature audience.These bars, on the other hand, are designed to cater
to a more ‘general’ tastebud ;-)I’ve given them the equally ridiculous name of ‘Whoa…’ – because bars from this family just can’t be given a routine name. They’re far too… eccentric and ludicrous (LUDICROUS!!!) inflaaaivah. Give them a shot and you’ll see what I mean:


1/4 cup goji berries
3 medjool dates
1/4 cup unsweetened whey protein powder
1/8 cup coconut flour
1/4 cup milk
1 tablespoon hazelnuts (chopped)
3 squares dark chocolate (I used 90% but any will do)This yielded three small bars so feel free to duplicate or triplicate the amounts if you want to make bigger bars or more bars.ear this in mind if you want to make more.


1. Using a food processor, mix all the ingredients together except for the dark chocolate until you get a thick paste that you can shape with your hands into bars. If the mix is too sticky or not thick enough, add 1/2 tsp of coconut flour at a time until you get to your desired consistency.

2. Then, melt your chocolate in a bain marie (i.e. a glass bowl on top of a pot of boiling water) and dunk your bars in there once the chocolate has melted.

Note: If you don’t feel comfortable dunking the bars into the chocolate (if, say, you fear they’ll fall apart), paint a ‘bed’ of melted chocolate on some baking paper or tin foil, lay the bars on top, and then cover them with more melted chocolate.3. Once all your bars are coated, transfer them to a chopping board covered with aluminum foil or baking paper and stick them in the freezer for 30 minutes or the fridge for an hour. You can add some extra chopped nuts on top if you want too – for an extra crunch and added points for aesthetics.

Macros per bar (out of 3):

12g protein
26g carbs (6.2g of them fiber so net carbs = 19.8g)
7.3g fat

Note: They’re higher in carbs than protein because I sweetened them with dates as opposed to sucralose or stevia. If you want to bring the carbs down, just use sweeteners and ditch the dates!