Chocolate Hemp Protein Cake with a Casein & Yogurt Protein Frosting

An absolute tragedy – of Mount Olympian proportions – took place in this house last night. I, like a complete dunce, dropped my laptop. Just a few feet, nothing crazy, but that was all it took. The poor thing was sleeping at the time (I shudder to remember it) and all I could think of was how one should never wake a sleeping person (because all kinds of horrors would then await). I watched it fall and its entire life flashed before my eyes – I saw it up with me into the nights as I finished my PhD thesis, I saw it coming out of its case at airport security checkpoints around the world, I saw it playing my cheesy music as I danced around it like a buffoon, I saw it uploading the first of hundreds of Protein Pow(d)er blog post… After it fell, I lifted it up, carefully placed it on the table, pressed the button and….nothing *gasp.* Tried again and… nada. With the shaky conviction that whatever happened can be fixed (because “it’s a Macbook Pro, come on!”), I walked into the Apple Store this morning. I told the guy what happened, and, looking serious and he took it ‘upstairs’. I waited, and waited, and waited. It felt eternal. Finally though, there was the guy, holding it and right then I knew. As the world around me faded, I registered “I have bad news,” “I’m so sorry,” and “worst possible scenario.” Game over, dear, RIP.

Why am I telling you all this? It’s not just to share the pain. I mean, that’s one part of it but the primary reason I’m telling you this is because, until I get a new computer, I’m sending macros to the wind. I’m sorry. I actually downloaded the Perfect Diet Tracker (it’s what I use to calculate macros on my laptop) for Ipad and I hate it. So, yeah: macros will resume this weekend when I walk over to the Apple store and get a new machine onto which I’ll be able to upload my old hard-drive (it’ll be like a bona fide heart transplant, the kind one sees in movies where the dead man’s heart goes to a new man and the new man suddenly finds himself having feelings for the dead person’s wife etc). I really do apologize for this, again, but I am finding all replacements too agonizing to navigate through in this brokenhearted state I find myself in.

Enough melodrama though, let me give you this recipe because this cake – la la laaaaa! – it turned out divine! (Ah, maybe my dear laptop’s spirit got baked with it and this was its final message?)


2 small cooked beetroots
3/4 cup chocolate hemp protein powder (with stevia)
3/4 cup liquid egg whites
1 cup  coconut milk
1/4 cup coconut flour
1/2 cup  applesauce
1 teaspoon baking powder


1. Blended and baked for ~1 hour at 180 C (356 F) in a rectangular brownie pan (stab it and remove it from the oven when your knife comes out clean, it might be a bit over or a bit under 1 hour)

 2. When the cake was done, I cut three circle out of it using a cake ring. I let it cool and, when it cooled, I made the frosting by mixing 1/2 cup of unflavored casein + half a tablespoon of stevia + 1 tablespoon of vanilla essence + one small pot of 0% Greek yogurt (170g).

3. Yeah, that is IT f or the frosting! I mixed this all together with a spoon and stuffed it into a sandwich bag with a pipping nozzle sticking out of the end.

4. Then, I just tried to do my best at adding some frosting between the layers and then some on top the cake and around it until BOOM: done: fully dressed!

Now, you CAN eat it right away BUT it’s actually a lot nicer if you let it sit in the fridge for a couple of hours. Why? Because the frosting kind of sets and the whole thing just comes alive beautifully. Ahhhhh, I had a slice of it next to a pick-me-up cup of tea and my soul was considerably soothed with the cabooming deliciousness of this cake: it was moist, chocolatey, sweet,  creamy, rich, and oh, how I wish I was uploading this on my laptop…

Macros per Serving: N/A

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